Race for the Cure 2012

My sister and boyfriend went with me to Race for the Cure this morning. What a bittersweet experience! I remember telling my mom how we would go this year and we could walk it together and she would finish with the other survivors. I had tears in my eyes the whole time. I know that in my heart she was with me, however stupid that may sound.

My sister did great. She is such a strong person and I am so proud of her. She even drove like a champ in St. Louis traffic, and I can't even say that. I can't even correctly back out of my own parking spot.

And Dan did wonderfully. He was going to actually race, but then decided to be there for me and hold my hand during the walk. He is such a wonderful man and is so supportive in every way. He has been so strong and I can't believe he has put up with me through everything.

It was such a powerful feeling to see how many lives this horrible disease touches. It was amazing seeing all of the people with the "In Celebration Of" tag celebrating their mom, aunts, grandmas, friends, and neighbors reaching survivorship. It was also really sad to see the tags that say "In Memory Of" loved ones.

I couldn't help but notice that the "In Memory Of" tags only said mothers when the wearer was older (not old, per se, but at least in their forties or fifties)... and I don't recall many of them that were remembering their moms that were as young as Laura or myself. I can't help myself but think that this is so unfair and it totally sucks and I can't think of another way to describe it right now and be reader appropriate. So I'll just stop and realize that this disease affects all of us in different ways, and some more than others.

Love you, mom.
Always and forever,

Melissa Marie

Gluten Free Toilet Water Rice

My best friend is probably the most hilarious person I know. She doesn't get nervous over anything... or maybe she does she just never shows it. But, she was super nervous today because of some boy and their date.

So what does she do five minutes before he gets to the apartment?

Drops her phone. In the toilet.

So I went and bought rice because apparently it has some powerful phone-saving properties. We didn't have any baggies so I made a little phone and rice concoction in a huge mixing bowl. I've never tried this whole rice thing but I thought now would be an opportune moment to try it since the phone is literally sopping with toilet water. Apparently, if you keep the phone in rice long enough it will [hopefully] absorb the [toilet] water and your phone will be as good as new! We'll see.

If not, at least Jackie can make a gluten free meal after the experiment.

So in other news, I'm getting used to the new job. Except not really. You really don't get used to the crazy people that you run into everyday. I really, really like this job though. I feel like I'm doing what I want to be doing and it's rewarding and fun at the same time. How cliché is that? But seriously. I really like the people I work with and I get to use colorful post-it notes and highlighters and I have my own desk in my own office. And I get to decorate! I think I'll bring in some of my Spain pictures to hang on the wall. I'm pretty excited!

The only thing I hate is the drive. Dan even told me I'm not allowed to call him on the way home because one second I'll be sweet and talking about everything and then the next I'll be screaming about the 88 year old woman that just slammed on her brakes in front of me. I thought I was being hilarious, he doesn't seem to think so though. I guess it's for the best anyway. I hope we can move to St. Louis next year, so we can be close to Creve Ceour and Brentwood. I'm super excited about it!

School is officially making me angry. All I want to do is graduate and I'm so close! I just have to get through like three or four more classes and then I'll be DONE! Seriously though, everything about that school makes me irritated - including but not limited to them taking over a month to process my financial aid. Oh, and they charged me for a textbook that I kept out after paying the extra semester rental fee for it... but I won't even get into that. BUT my financial aid finally went through so that's promising. Things are looking up!

Oh, and I got a surprise paycheck from Best Buy. Yayyyy Blue Crew bucks! That seriously did make my day.

So tonight I think the friends (except Jackie... because she's on a date... without a phone... while her phone is sitting drenched in rice) are going to go to the homecoming here in town. Should be really uneventful and boring but it will be something to do for a little while. Plus I guess my dad is actually going with us. It's good to get him out of the house. I realize I have some things that I really don't know if I can get over... but I don't think it's fair that he's so lonely all the time. I think my mom would want me to be a good person and to try to actually have a relationship with him. Actually, I don't know. But, I'm trying to justify it.

That's it. I'm done typing because I'm way too distracted while watching the Cardinals lose. I promise I'll do a legit post sometime soon, I just thought I'd update you on random stuff today!

Mel Marie

Notes To Mom, Parte Uno

Mom,

This is the first time I'm writing to you since everything happened. I miss you so much and I think about you every day. It's so unreal to realize that it's been almost three months already.

Here's something that's been breaking my heart for a while now. Remember last year when we went to Race for the Cure with Best Buy? Well, I signed up for it this year to actually walk with the team. Dan's even running for you! Hopefully next year I'll run, too. I know that you said that last year wasn't really all you wanted it to be, but you were still glad you went. I remember you really wanted to be a part of the survivor ceremony, but we couldn't find it because we're both directionally retarded in St. Louis and it really didn't work out. I remember I told you on the drive home that I'd make it up to you this year and we could walk together. Now it's just me who's walking. I know it might seem stupid but I'm so upset with myself. I can't believe I'm actually going without you. I hope you know that I wish you were here and I'm so sorry about everything. It's later this month and I'll be thinking about you the whole time. I love you.

I also wish you were here to call whenever I want to tell you something. Like, every time I would go to a baseball game you would call afterwards and tell me about how you watched it on TV, haha. It always made me smile to talk to you after the game and to hear that you were kind of there with me. Now, every time I go to the stadium I always want to call you and hear that you know the score even though you weren't there. I know that probably seems stupid, too. I also remember calling you when I got way too drunk to tell you I'm sorry that I'm calling you drunk, but I wanted to let you know I love you. I always did dumb stuff like that and you always laughed at me and said you loved me, too. Then you called in the morning and asked about my hangover.

I wish I would have called you and visited you more. I wish I knew more about you. I also have some stuff I really wish I could ask you for advice. Here's some stuff that I've been thinking about so far:

1. I wish I knew how I can be a better girlfriend to Dan. I just want to know that I'm doing a good job. I know that you really loved him, too. You always asked about him and said that we're going to make it and you can't wait to see where we're going. I just wish you could be here to let me know when I'm being an idiot in arguments and to just let me know that you're proud of us. He tells me he really wishes that he got to know you more. I know that you would have liked that, too. I'm just glad that you told me how you felt about us before you left. It helps me know that you support us in everything that we do
2. I wish you were here when I had all of these questions about whether or not I should take the new job that I got. I took the job, and now I know you would be proud of me... but I kinda needed you there to say, "Melissa, don't be an idiot. Finish school and do what you want to do." Thankfully, I figured out that they would work around my school schedule. I hope you're proud of me!
3. I really wish you were here to just vent to. About life. You always let me and it made me feel so much better. You always gave the best advice, too.
4. I also wish you were here to make fun of my friends. We went swimming at the house the other day... and it really wasn't the same without you making fun of Jackie's laugh or tsk-tsking at Kyle's drinking and chewing habit.

I guess what I'm trying to say is nothing is the same without you. I hope you know somehow that I'm writing this to you, and you're smiling at me or giving me a nod of approval or something. It's so hard not being able to call and ask if I'm doing the right thing or if you're proud of me.

I miss you, and I'll write to you soon.

Love, forever and always,

Melissa Marie